Testing Faith Chapter Twelve

Nightmare While Awake

“Master you promised you would help me. Why won’t you help me?”

“I’m trying but I can’t move. Hold on, Jessica.”

“I burning, help me!!”

Edward couldn’t understand why he couldn’t move. He felt like he was buried under a ton of bricks and he couldn’t seem to open his eyes no matter how hard he tried. In the far distance, he could hear his brothers talking but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Then he heard Carmen telling him that he was going to be alright and that she was there. Feeling the warmth of her hand on his, he fought harder to move, even if it was just one finger or toe.

“Come on damn it, move,” Edward thought.

Concentrating hard on just his index finger of his left hand, he wills it to move. The fog in his mind began to clear and then he felt it, the finger moved.

Carmen had been sitting by Edward’s bed since the moment that they had moved him from the surgical wing to his private room on the orthopedic floor. Edward’s doctors had told them that he would make a full recovery and with time he would be able to walk again with the aid of a prosthetic leg. The amount of time for that to happen depended solely on Edward and how determined he was gain back the life he had. They were also warned of the inevitable depression and anger issues that he will have. Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, and Carmen talked about these issues and were determined that they wouldn’t let Edward bury himself too deep in those feelings. Once he was healed enough, he would be moved to a rehab center, where he would learn to function again.

As she held his hand, she prayed that the family was strong enough to get Edward through this horrible life-changing event. While holding his hand, she suddenly felt Edward’s finger move, ever so slightly. “Edward, sweetheart, can you hear me,  we’re all here.”

Willing his eyes to open, they slowly lifted allowing the bright glare of the of the fluorescent light to pour into them. “Where am I?” Edward asked, his voice rough and weak.

Carmen brushed the hair away from his eyes and kissed him on the forehead. “You are in the hospital.”

“Why am I in the hospital?” Edward asked.

“Hey, bro,” Emmett said as he stepped on the other side of Edward. “What is the last thing you remember?”

Edward closed his eyes and thought hard, his memories were in pieces, like shattered glass. “I left work and was on my bike. It was a beautiful night, so I decided to take the long way home to enjoy the ride.”

“Do you remember anything else?” Emmett asked.

Edward tried to remember what happened next but all he was getting was little snippets. “A vehicle, no it was a Jeep, wait it was on the wrong side of the road, tires squealing, a woman screaming, metal scrapping, then pain, I was  trapped and couldn’t move.”

Carlisle came closer to Edward’s bed. “Edward, you were hit by the Jeep.”

“Why can’t I remember that?” Edward questioned.

“I don’t know, but it might be because of the trauma,” Carlisle answered knowing that he needed to tell Edward the bad news.

“How did I get here?” Edward asked.

“You were airlifted, and they took you into emergency surgery. You had some internal bleeding and your right arm was broken. They were able to stop the bleeding and set your arm.” Carlisle explained.

“Damn, how the hell am I going to work with this thing,” Edward grumbled holding up his encased arm. Then he looked around at his brothers and Carmen, sensing that there was something else that was wrong. “Alright, tell me what’s with all the long faces?”

“Edward, the doctors did everything they could but they could save it,” Carlisle said, holding back the tears.

“Save what?” Edward asked.

“Your leg,” Carlisle said.

“Have you been drinking again, Carlisle? I have both my legs,” Edward growled.

“Sweetheart, no you don’t. They had to remove your right leg from the knee down,” Carmen explained, as Carlisle pulled back the covers to show Edward that his leg, in fact, was gone.

Edward looked down and gasped. What kind of fucking trick was this? He could still feel his foot and leg. “My leg is there, I can feel it, it hurts.”

“I’m sorry Edward, but it is gone. You are experiencing a condition called a phantom limb pain,” Emmett explained. It was part of his training when he was still a medical student.

“NO!!! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!” Edward screamed.

“Edward, please you must calm down, we can deal with this,” Carmen cried.

“I WILL NOT FUCKING CALM DOWN. I DON’T HAVE A LEG!!” Edward yelled as the monitors warning alarms began blaring.

A nurse rushed in. “Mr. Cullen, please calm down.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“Edward, please,” Carlisle pleaded.

“GET OUT, GET OUT. I DON’T WANT OR NEED ANY OF YOU!!” Edward screamed.

Carlisle came over and wrapped his arm around Carmen who was sobbing. “We are leaving the room, but know when you are in a better frame of mind, you will apologize to her.”

“FUCK YOU CARLISLE! I don’t need or want any of youuu,” Edward slurred, not knowing that the nurse had pushed a sedative into his IV.

The brothers and Carmen walked out of Edward’s room and into the waiting area. Carmen was openly sobbing, her heart breaking over Edward’s comments. “Carmen, he is not thinking straight. We will not give up on him, we are family and we will be with him every step of the way,” Jasper said.

“I know, it just is so upsetting to see that one of my boys is going through something like this and not be able to help him,” Carmen cried.

“Emmett, what should we need do to in order to get him through this?” Carlisle asked.

“Let me make a call to a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist,” Emmett suggested.

Emmett made his call and Eleazar told him that he was in the building, and would come right up and talk with them. Ten minutes later he arrived to find the Cullen clan sitting around trying to come to grips with what was happening.

“Emmett,” Eleazar called out.

“Eleazar, thank you for coming. These are my brothers, Carlisle and Jasper and this lovely lady is Carmen.”

“Hello everyone. I heard earlier about Edward’s accident and condition.  The hospital is a tight knit community, and when something happens to one of us, or our family, everyone knows.  So let’s sit down and make a game plan to help Edward,” Eleazar instructed. “It is not uncommon for people who have lost a limb to react negatively to their new reality. In the initial stages, amputees may experience emotions such as sadness, shock, and anger. It’s useful to discuss these feelings with others. With time and help, these feelings do pass. The initial stages can also be stressful. Therefore, practical strategies for self-care are recommended. This includes ensuring one has adequate sleep and is maintaining a good diet. Furthermore, relaxation, breathing, and mindfulness exercises are beneficial when experiencing increased stress. Should stress begin to disrupt one’s life, it is important that they seek support from a qualified professional.  During his rehabilitation, they will address his mental needs as well as his physical requirements.”

Jasper listened intently and wondered if the training Edward had done to become a Dominant would be helpful. “Eleazer, Edward is a professionally trained Dominant.”

“Really?” Eleazer gasped. He had studied the BDSM lifestyle but had never met anyone in the community. “This could be a great help because he is already familiar with the requirements of the discipline required for that position. Having a goal for him to work towards is critical for his recovery. You must not baby him, keep him working hard towards that goal.”

“Can you talk to him when he wakes up?” Emmett asked.

“I can and I will work up a plan for you to get set up. Have you selected a rehabilitation center for him to be moved to upon his release?”

“Yes, the sister of one of our good friends works at a highly successful and very reputable center. I will call and get Edward set up,” Emmett said.

“Great and if any of you need someone to talk to during this time, here is my card. Call me, no matter what time day or night. All of you must remain strong, so you can assist Edward towards the goal of living a full life as an amputee.  However, as his family, you too may need someone to just voice your concerns with. You must remember that while assisting him in his recovery and regaining his life, you must be mindful that you do not neglect your own.”

“Thank you, Eleazer. I feel much better knowing that you are here to help Edward and us through this,” Carmen confessed.

“You are welcome. Did Edward have a specific trainer to become a Dominant?” Eleazer asked.

“Yes, she really is a ball buster,” Jasper joked.

“Good. We will need her,” Eleazer said.

“She is out of town right now, dealing with her own family crisis. However, when she returns I know for sure she will be more than happy to whip Edward’s ass into shape if he needs it,” Jasper said.

After Eleazar walked away to review Edward’s chart, Jasper pulled out his phone and sent a text to Angela. He had been thinking about her and Bella, hoping that they find their family safe and sound.

Edward had a long difficult road ahead of him.  He would be dealing with emotional and physical issues, but with the help of his family and friends, they would make sure he got all the support he needed to become self-sufficient once more.

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