Defiance Chapter 10 Wandering Heart


The sun rose on the cold, rainy, eighth of September.  Bella was awake and had been for hours.  Today, she was turning eighteen and she was going to make some dramatic changes in her life.   The last two years had been pure torture.  Each day, she awoke to a world that Tony wasn’t part of, but what made it worse was that the fact that everything in Forks reminded her of him.  With her first check, she purchased the land where his house once stood, and had a gardener come in and make a memorial flower garden with one lone black iron chair.  She would spend hour after hour sitting in the chair, thinking about Tony, daydreaming of how their life might have been.  As she sat in her despair, she began to make plans for eighteenth birthday.

She made arrangements to take her GED test.  At first, Principal Cope wanted to have a note from Bella’s parents, but the envelope with five thousand dollars helped to sway her.  Next, she purchased a new car and would have it delivered at noon to her home.  Charlie and Renee had not noticed the slow removal of personal items from her room, and that they were placed into three large suitcases.  She didn’t want them to know that, as soon as she took her GED test, she would be leaving Forks, never to return.  The love for her parents would always be there, but she couldn’t be in Forks without Tony, the pain was too great for her.

The test was easy; Ms. Cope graded it while Bella waited.  “Congratulations, Bella, you passed.  Here is your certificate.”  She said, handing her the piece of paper.  “I wish you would reconsider and finish out the year anyway.”

“Thank you for doing this.”  Bella said as she turned and left.  No one was talking her out of her decision.

When she arrived home, her new car was parked in front of the house.  She knew her old truck wouldn’t make it as far as she needed to go, wherever that might be.  There were no plans on where she would finally settle down, but she knew she would know when she got there.  Walking inside, she saw that her parents were smiling with a small cake.

“Happy Birthday, baby.”  They sang out.

“Thanks.”  Bella whispered, knowing that she was about to break their hearts.

“We saw you purchased yourself a birthday present.”  Charlie gushed.

“Mom, Dad I have something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

Taking a few seconds, she put her thoughts together before beginning, “I am leaving.”

“Do what?”  Renee asked.

“I am leaving Forks.”  Bella answered.

“You can’t leave, you have to finish high school first.” Charlie demanded.

Bella pulled out her GED diploma and handed to them.  “I took the GED this morning.”

Renee looked down at the paper and back up to Bella.  “Why?”  She cried.

“Mom, you know that I am in agony living here. Well, not with you, but in the town where Tony is no longer here.”

“Bella, give it time.  It will get easier.”  Charlie pleaded, hoping to change her mind.

“Dad, it hasn’t gotten easier; if anything, it has gotten worse.  I promise that I will stay in contact, but I need to do this.”

Renee opened her arms and Bella stepped into her mother’s warm embrace.  Renee softly cried, soaking in her daughter’s warmth and smell.  She knew that Bella had been having a hard time, and, as much as she hated it, this might just help.  No mother wants to be witness to their daughter’s continual pain and suffering.  “Promise me that you will try to find some happiness.”

“I really hope to; I love you.”  Bella said, with tears rolling down her face.

“We love you.”  Renee declared and looked over at Charlie.  “It is for the best.”

“For the best?  Are you crazy?  This is our daughter, who wants to leave to go God knows where.”  Charlie bellowed.

Bella pulled from Renee’s embraced and wrapped her arms around her father.

“Daddy, please understand.  I am dying here, and I am afraid that, if I stay, might happen.  I want, no need to find some relief from this horrible pain.”

Charlie looked into Bella’s sad, pain filled eyes, and knew he had to let her go.  He hated the thought of what might happen if she remained here.  Losing his daughter by her just leaving town was better than losing her altogether.  “Call us once a week, no matter where you are and remember everything I taught you about knowing your surroundings and listening to your gut.”

“I promise.  Would you help me with my bags?”  Bella asked.

“They are packed already?”  He asked.

“Yes.  I want to get started before it gets too late.”

Charlie kissed the top of her head and proceeded up the stairs to help her collect her bags.  Soon, everything was packed in her new, black, Aston Martin Vanquish Convertible.  After giving each one of them another hug, she climbed behind the wheel and took off.  She had one more stop before she left town, and that was to say goodbye to Tony.  Pulling up to the cemetery, she got out, and climbed the hill to his tombstone.

Rubbing her hand across his name, she sat down on the little lip of the stone.  “I came by today to say goodbye.  I can’t live in Forks anymore.  Everything reminds me of you, and it is slowly killing me instead.  You will always be in my broken heart and those little scattered pieces will give me strength to carry on, wherever it may be.  I love you so much.”  Leaning down, she placed a kiss on the cold stone.

After leaving Forks, she drove until she got tired, found a hotel, and checked in.  Along the way, she bought clothes to replace her own, and even dyed her hair jet black, which made her alabaster skin glow.  She was surprised what money could buy, like her fake license that got her into every bar and club along the way.  The first time she used it, she was scared to death, being a cop’s daughter and breaking the law, but the bouncer took one look at her in her expensive clothes and let her in. He had seen her pull up in that hot ass car and, when she stepped out, he nearly fell to his feet to worship at her feet.

It was at one of these bars that she met Ryan, a local professor.  After several hours of drinking, dancing, and heavy flirting, they ended up in her hotel room.  She had heard stories of a woman’s first time and how magical it was, but what she felt was pain and emptiness.  It wasn’t anything that she thought it would be like if her and Tony would have had a chance to make love.  However, after that experience, she learned it had nothing to do with the heart, but instead it had to do with finding a release.  She would forget the first man who actually knew something about how to take care of a woman’s needs before his own.  Orgasms were fucking great.

Bella kept her promise and called her parents once a week.  At first, they asked where she was, but after several months of not being told, they gave up.  They were happy just to hear her voice, and, as much as they hated to admit it, she did sound lighter.

The weeks of wondering became months; the months became years, and, after wandering around the country for so long, she finally found her home.  It was so different than Forks; here, she could lose herself in the noise and crowds.

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